12 Lessons I learned from my (1 year old) daughter
Reading time: 4 min
Yesterday, my daughter turned one.
As I look back at the person I was 366 days ago, I can’t believe how much I have changed. I aged, mainly, but what can you do?
A child teaches you a lot, if you can observe, listen and pay attention, so I decided to jot down 12 lessons that my daughter Minerva taught me during her first year on this planet.
If you’d like me to expand on any of the following, just leave a comment and I promise I will.
1. Acceptance is a superpower.
Remember when, after a wild weekend, you would turn off the alarm and sleep until midday, if it wasn’t for the super loud garbage truck passing by at 6am? Imagine that frustration, multiply it by 1,000 and repeat it every day. That’s how unpredictable life with a baby is. Acceptance of whatever might come your way means you can go through your day without going ballistic.
2. If you don’t like the weather, wait for 5 minutes.
Kids keep you on your toes, not only figuratively. Especially in their first year, they grow and change so fast you can’t afford to shape your life around this or that week's habit. If it’s going well, enjoy and prepare, but if it’s not, don’t worry. The weather will change.
3. Love is like a muscle with infinite potential.
Never, ever say no to additional love in your life.
4. You get used to disgusting stuff.
Poop smells bad, but not as bad as lasagna smells good. You’ll survive.
5. When you say you don’t have time, you lie to yourself.
When you say you don’t have time, you’re actually saying you’d rather do something else. This is especially true when a baby requires your undivided attention for most of the day. You still find time to see your family, the friends you actually want to see, your tv shows and you always have time to catch up the latest gos on social media. Just be more intentional, and you’ll find time to do what matters.
6. Go With the flow.
Life is like changing a toddler. You can struggle to make it the way you want it to be, or go with the flow and get the result you want. Eventually.
7. Planning is good only if you can improvise.
Did my wife and I plan out our dream delivery day? Of course. Did it go the way we planned? Hell no. It has been a great experience though, because we have always been in control (of what we could control). You just need to be able to improvise.
8. I’ve never worked so hard for a smile.
Parenting is a thankless job, and you definitely don’t do it for a reward, but the things I’ve done to spark a smile on Minerva’s face I would probably refuse to do for a winning lottery ticket.
9. Pride is not (always) a sin.
I’m a proud, proud parent. There’s nothing wrong with it. Just remember to keep your pride for yourself 99% of the time.
10. There’s a thin line between what’s important and what’s meaningless, and we often draw that line.
Every paralysing fear I had while my wife was pregnant dissolved like sugar in water once I held Minerva for the first time. All the preoccupations of a person without children (or most of them) sit in a section of the brain that gets cleansed once they become parents.
11. Learn to be selflessly selfish.
Have you ever skipped that gym session because you were tired, or ate a bag of crisps so that you could play 5 minutes more with the little one? Have you ever said no to go out with a friend because you needed to wash a mountain of reusable nappies? These short-term shortcuts might hurt your family in the long run. You cannot be a present father if a heart attack kills you at 40, or if isolation leads you to depression. Remember this, not only for yourself, but also for your partner and children.
12. From the moment your child is born, you will never stop grieving.
First, you grieve your old life, your old self, and then, just as you’re getting used to this parenting craziness, you start grieving the version of your child that used to be on your lap only a few weeks ago. And then again, and then again, and then again. Being a parent means, also, making peace with a life of grieving.
Buon compleanno amore mio.
Alla prossima.
Photo by Morgan Lane on Unsplash
